I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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