remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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