I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
