Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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