so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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