I need help removing her.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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