I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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