between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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