I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
God I need to hump something, right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
