my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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