Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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