btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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