This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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