Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
