Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
