did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
pop tarts are not kleenex
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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