So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
