End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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