Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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