I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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