i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You ruined the universe
Never underestimate the power of titties
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
