a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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