I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize