There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
