I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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