Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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