yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
