That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
