The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
