Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
