Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
where am i from again
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
