somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
