i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
