forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
