i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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