Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
