I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
