STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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