I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
