you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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