If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
