4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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