Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
