I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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