that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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