The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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