I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
