What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
