Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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