i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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