You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
