the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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