We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
