Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
