Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
