Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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