guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
