I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
how does that bad decision feel?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
