After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
