I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
