Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
