She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
