yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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