there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
