What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
