My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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