Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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