I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
barbara walters just said penis...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
