The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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