I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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