I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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