thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
