And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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