I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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