Pappa wants mamma naked
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
