you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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