fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we're so committed to being not committed
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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