I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
